My Frame of Mind

I spent this past weekend cleaning my apartment.  It was reasonably clean when I moved in, but that I hadn’t done a thorough cleaning had been bugging me.  So, I swept and mopped the floors and cleaned the walls, and now I that vexation has been removed.  I haven’t had any income since I’ve been here and have been reluctant to spend any money on things I could get by without.  So, finally I spent about $120 on cleaning, supplies, including a mop, broom and doormats.

A view of the barebones dining and living area of my apartment. 

Beer, cigarettes and Free Cell.

Right now, my apartment is barebones.  As I said, I’ve been reluctant to spend any money in fixing it up, and the feeling is that I’m living something of a monastic life.  I have water, and soap, a nice bed to sleep in, a porcelain throne, a medicine cabinet, all my meds refilled, so I really am not wanting of any necessities.  My living arrangements are entirely adequate. But, that’s not say there can’t be improvements.  And, there will be.   By and by.

Don’t you think a nice rug would warm the place up?  And, how about a wall hanging over the sofa?  Curtains?  Intuitively it works for this room to have the sofa and chairs arranged on the other side.  But, having the room arranged like this takes advantage of the view outside.  Plus, football season is upon us and I need a television, which I’ll place on the small table on the right side of this picture.  Football is huge in American Samoa, what with the popularity of NFL stars like Troy Polamalu of the Pittsburgh Steelers, to name just one example.  To have football, I’ll need cable.  I also need cable to have home broadband internet.  Right now, I only have broadband at work and on my iPhone.  The iPhone is good for reading emails, but not so much for sending messages.  With home broadband, I can keep up with things better, posting more timely blogs, for example, and staying connected to my friends back home, who I miss very much.

One view from my deck.  Note the taro plants.  It appears that someone planted them, as they are in a row beside a little garden spot

Another view off my deck.  This is a papaya tree, and as the fruit ripens, I expect a visit from a flying fox.

The view outside my bathroom window is of a tropical jungle.  Literally.  A tropical jungle.

More on this monastic life, thing.  My life here has forced me to slow down.  For example, there’s just my bare apartment.  It’s where I can lay my head.  It’s where I can do some reading and writing and playing a whole lot of Free Cell.  What is the need in getting stressed out about what I don’t have and what I am not likely to have any time soon.  I have been compelled to just let that stuff go, and there’s freedom in letting that stuff go.  I am not bound by the desire to have this or that right now.  A good example is simply writing these words.  I am on a laptop.  I am not a proficient typist.  I make a lot of mistakes, and it can be trouble to constantly have to go back and correct my mistakes.  But, I refuse to let it be trouble.  And, that’s a lesson learned which is applicable to my dealings with others as well. 

If someone wants to be mean or ugly, I am better able to let that go.  I am sure there are limits to my ability to let it go, but it is liberating to not be all hot and bothered by some other’s poor behavior.  Instead, I just chalk it up to that person being who that person is, and not making it my problem by getting all hot and bothered.  And, all that is just what I came here for.

Life here is slow.  The traffic is slow.  If you are in a hurry, then you will merely be stressed and not arrive where you are going one minute sooner. Because the main road largely follows the contour of the bay, it is twisty and turny.  You cannot drive fast.  And, there’s an added compensation to the lack of cortisol production: the views.  Looking up at the thickly forested mountains you can see the path that an occasional waterfall cuts down the side.  Or, looking out over the ocean.  I’ve mentioned the breathtaking color of the water, the rolling surf with its humongous breaking waves.  To be stressed on the drive would be to deprive myself of the richness of the environment.  Better to just let the stress go.  Better to dream about what it would be like out there on the surface of the ocean in a sailboat, or wandering what it was that drove the native Polynesians to brave the sea in search of who knows what and populating the outlying islands, which cannot be seen from here?  Or to imagine what the views must be like from the side of the mountain.  Here, on this island, there is precious little horizontal ground.  Imagine what the sounds and smells are from inside those tropical jungles in the mountains.

In any event, this has been my take of the experience so far.  It feels as if I’ve undergone something of psychological change.  Is it my attitude, my feelings, my perspective, or what?  I am more relaxed, less stressed, and wasting less worry on things I don’t need to be worried about.  It feels like some much-needed healing is being done.